My mind was in turmoil. How could this have happened? They had assured me that all would go to plan. All it had taken was one minor slip up and everything fell apart. My hands were shaking and I couldn't sit still. I would have to go on the run. I knew I wouldn't be able to trust anyone. But was there any point? Those men would stop at nothing to get me and I knew that sooner or later they would find me.
I put my head in my hands trying to calm myself.
"Excuse me. Are you alright?"
I raised my head to find a young waitress looking at me with concern written all over her face. Tears pricked my eyes yet I wouldn't allow them fall. She had such a kind face I felt like pouring my heart out to her. I wanted to life the heavy burden on my shoulders. I wanted to tell her about the pain I felt. I could still hear the screams which were like daggers that pierced my heart. I could still remember their faces as if it were only a second ago I was in that prison cell not knowing whether I would make it out alive and return home to my beloved England. I remembered the emptiness in their eyes as they stared at the sea of rats which crawled over their feet not seeming to care whether they lived or died. I smiled at the waitress assuring her I was fine though I was far from it.
I looked around the cafe. Two teenage girls were laughing hysterically clutching their stomachs. An old lady shot a disapproving look at them as she sipped her cup of tea. A young man ran past in pursuit of his dog whose eyes were filled with excitement as it charged down the street. How I envied them. I missed having a normal life. I had often wondered whether I had made the right decision.
My mind wandered back to my first mission briefing. I had been so nervous yet keen to impress. I was so young and naive. All I thought about was becoming a hero and saving my country. But medals mean nothing to me now. After my first mission I was a changed man and my past is now haunted by the many horrors I have faced.
I caught the eye of the young waitress who had approached me earlier. She was watching me carefully and I gave her another smile. I felt uneasy yet I didn't know why. Suddenly someone laid a hand on my shoulder.Without thinking I got up and ran. Everything around me was a blur. I ignored the shouts as I crashed into market stalls sending items flying in every direction. I could hear my blood pounding in my ears and I could feel my skin heating up. The wind whistled by and whipped my face. Then suddenly I was in the middle of a road. Tyres screeched. I heard shouts. Car horns blasted at me from all sides. Then a shot. My feet left the ground and I found myself lying on my back in something wet which was seeping through my jacket. I could see blurred faces above me and my vision slowly faded.
They were wrong. There is nothing heroic in dying for your country.
