Extract from Book
Quiet, peaceful, the
fields stretch out into the horizon. The sun sends rays of warmth down onto the
backs of the laughing group of people playing tag. One of the adults is it. He
waits, looking round at the rest of the group. Everyone is smiling, wondering
who he will go for. He lingers for a few more seconds. Suddenly he lunges for
the little girl who runs as fast as she can. She looks over her shoulder. He is
catching up. Laughing, the girl tries to run faster but he is too fast for her.
He catches up to her, grabs her, and lifts her up. She is laughing as he puts
her down.
She hears a shout. She
thinks it’s just a dream and lays her head onto the pillow. She wakes.
Something is wrong. She walks into the dining room, a sinking feeling in her
stomach. That shout was not a dream. She finds out the news. She cannot cry
even though she wants to. Her heart refuses to accept it yet her mind tells her
she must.
She moves among people like a ghost. She is present yet not
really there. On the face of it everything seems normal. Her mannerisms remain
unchanged. Her friends notice some difference yet not enough to be worried
about her. Yet though she seems engaged with the world around her, inside is a
different story. She feels more distant from her friends than she has ever felt
before. She feels she is slowly drifting away from everyone and everything. She
wants to scream, to hit something; she wants to release all these negative
feelings but she can’t. Something is stopping her. Every time she feels she
will open up, an invisible barrier appears. She can’t get the right words out.
Her friend says something that makes her laugh. She pushes her negative
feelings to one side. She wants to be happy. She wants to forget. But then the
feelings come back stronger. They build up every time she tries to push them
away. She feels guilt. She is supposed to be able to tell her best friend, whom
she has told everything in the past, but she can’t tell her what is eating her
up inside. She can’t tell those closest to her how she feels but it is not
supposed to be like that. She feels like she is pushing people away when she
shouldn’t be. She should be doing the opposite. She is a prisoner of her own
grief; trapped with no way out. She doesn’t feel completely herself anymore.
She feels like a stranger. She wants to escape these feelings. She needs to find
a way to escape this prison. She closes her eyes and imagines . . .
This is an extract from my book I was writing for NaNoWriMon which I unfortunately couldn't finish be cause life decided to get in my way. Hopefully I will be able to finish it over the christmas holidays and edit it.
